Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
