Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
