Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
