The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
