she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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