I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
