I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
