these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
