I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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