i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
