Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There r osticjed everywhere
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
