This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
