Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
