Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
