I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
