just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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