the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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