alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
