You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We are two peas in an std pod
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
