i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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