i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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