Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
