She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
