Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My ass is underappreciated
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
