woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
