how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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