before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
