The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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