She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize