can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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