Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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