forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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