I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
