I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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