I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
