You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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