I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
