ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You can't motorboat a personality
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
