I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
