just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
