my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
