Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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