Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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