dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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