do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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