i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
