Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
sick fucks of a feather flock together
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
