Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
