you guys were way drunker than both of me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
