We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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