I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
