he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
