Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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