I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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