tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
