1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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