the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
