so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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