I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
