The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
