ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
