you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
