The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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