the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Randomize
