okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
