he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
