carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
