areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
