I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
zippers are such a cool invention
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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