I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sarcasm needs its own font
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
