k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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