I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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