His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
