My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
