The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
