I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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